Well, since I have once again entered the single girl weeds, I signed up for online dating on my favourite site: Match.com. To be honest I was absolutely positive I wouldn’t ever have to do this again, but never say never and here I am.
Some may think it is too early to get back “on the horse” at 18 days past break up, but I need to be concrete in the fact that I have to move on. There is no other way to do this but throw myself out there. Prior to my last relationship I was used to casually dating 2-3 people, I had a back up for my back up date. This meant I never really let myself think too much when a date didn’t work out.
To be perfectly honest, I have no interest in dating anyone. There is this strange numbness that is covering me like a blanket. I am not interested in a relationship, even a casual one. My heart has a bf, even if my mind knows that ended 18 days ago.
Yes I want my bf back, but the man I was in love with a few months ago, not the man that destroyed my heart and literally blew up my world. So in that sense, even when I go back to crying my eyes out, like I did last Thursday, I know there is nothing that can fix what has happened. What is done is done. I am not sitting here waiting for him to come back, I am trying to make myself move forward. Sometimes at 3am it helps me to sooth myself back to sleep by telling myself he will come back, but this is less and less needed with every night.
Is online dating the best thing I can do right now? I don’t know. Am I going to meet someone worth my time? I don’t know. But in true, SingleToThePenny fashion I am going to persevere and just put myself out there.
“Believe in fate, but lean forward where fate can see you”